Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
