How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
