Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
a search helicopter?!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
