dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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