I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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