Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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