So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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