I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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