Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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