how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
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You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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