Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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