Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
