have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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