Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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