The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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