yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
