So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
should my penis look like a turkey
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
