DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
