To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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