Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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