Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
