Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
