plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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