Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
