We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
