If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
