Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
