if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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