I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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