dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
