well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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