I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Are my feet made of real feet?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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