I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
