The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
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Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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