Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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