You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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