You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
