Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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