i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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