is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
