I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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