This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
