24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
