Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
