the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
