I can text with my tongue
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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