Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize