I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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