Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
