Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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