This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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