then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Mom said you looked used
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
