i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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