how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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