the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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