We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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