"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
