Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
