Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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