Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
