I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
