Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
