I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
