I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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