just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
