I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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